Most people have the goal of not having conflict or at the very least, reducing it. But conflict isn’t always bad. Trying to not get irritated is like trying to not be human and can lead to a major blow up over something seemingly small and unrelated. When you try not to feel an emotion you consider unacceptable all you manage to do is push it underground temporarily. Learning to navigate and use conflict instead of trying to eliminate it will not only reduce negativity, but it can actually enhance relationships and help you even understand yourself better.
Understanding Gender Differences
I have seen couple after couple who have read countless books and spend thousands of hard earned dollars in therapy only to report no long term benefit. Soon after things returned to normal and sometimes worse. Time after time therapy attempts to make you understand from the others perspective and communicate better. This doesn’t work because in the moment, you are both triggering each other unconsciously. No amount of shutting your mouth and listening will work under those circumstances. The reason for that is because the part of the brain that lends itself to understanding isn’t even present in the therapy room when triggering occurs. I can show you how even a little bit of information about understanding gender differences can eliminate the need for years of unsuccessful therapy sessions, and also help with other relationships in your life.
There is no doubt that communication can make or break a relationship, business deal, board room meeting, interview. But rarely are the true factors that affect your ability to create and maintain good communication skills addressed. I take a bottom up rather than a top down approach. Most therapy will teach you techniques on how to communicate. You are taught to robotically master someone else’s model of how you should talk. The problem is, those techniques don’t feel natural to you. True good communication skills comes from your ability to be authentic. However, authenticity can be one of the hardest things to achieve because it takes insight into the many layers that cover that true self up and the courage to face them. Treatment shouldn’t start with communication skills, it should address the underlying issues that affect your capacity to communication effectively. By doing this you can find your natural ability to communicate and from there, expert input can polish it up. This will not only help you master exceptional communication skills and command respect, but will make it easy to maintain and build upon because it is already yours!